Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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