I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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