i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
