about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
