you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish you could order shots online.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
