Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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