is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
