Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
