If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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