And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You can't motorboat a personality
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
