I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
