Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
