mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm sobbing to NWA
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
