: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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