I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
