I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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