Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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