Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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