We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
