call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
