She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
