i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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