i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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