I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
