just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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