At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
