he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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