He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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