david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
