You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
