i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
