he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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