I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
