I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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