Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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