dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you win again, gameday.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
