Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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