Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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