whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
