That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
