5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
