theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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