So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
