I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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