I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
