Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
organizing the empties. That sober.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
