OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
