There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Too much gin, very little bucket
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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