Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
