I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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