so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
