I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
