Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
