Just cropdusted the office
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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