can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
