hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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