and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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