I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
