Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
