Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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