we're chasing vodka with high fives
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
