i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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