Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
