You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
