no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How does it feel to date your dad?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
