Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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