i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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