yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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