that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
