I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
