her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This is my gift to your gina
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
