note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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