She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
